Lenona
2025-03-13 18:53:07 UTC
You can read her column at the Washington Post (with many comments), but
there's usually a paywall. So I'm posting this, from the Mercury News,
instead.
https://www.mercurynews.com/2025/03/07/miss-manners-tipping-the-barista/
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I bought a drink at a coffee shop that came to $4.22
with tax. I was presented with three tip options: $1, $2 or $3 — 25%,
50% or 75%, respectively.
Since there weren’t any seats left in the shop, and therefore I was
taking my coffee to go (thus reducing the need to clean off a table or
otherwise deal with my presence in the store), I tipped $1 (25%).
The barista glared at me as though I’d insulted her, and looked like
she’d been slapped in the face.
What am I missing? I realize coffee shop workers aren’t rich, but my job
doesn’t pay extravagant wages, either. I tip more when I consume my
drink in the shop, or when I pose some kind of inconvenience to the
staff.
GENTLE READER: When it comes to tipping, which is supposed to be a
compliment, it is almost impossible not to insult someone somehow.
Miss Manners once found herself giving offense by tipping a hotel worker
for storing her luggage. It seems that he was a manager, and thus above
accepting tips — a stance she admires but rarely encounters.
The tip Miss Manners will give you is to tip in cash. Doing it
electronically, and in full view of the other party, is designed to
shame the customer into being more generous than intended. Better not to
fall for it.
____________________________________________________
Check this one out, too:
https://www.mercurynews.com/2025/03/13/miss-manners-wander-into-our-house/
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When walking or biking on a sidewalk or a trail, I
often encounter three individuals walking or riding abreast.
Instead of their moving to single file to let me pass, I’m forced to
move aside to the grass or curb.
When I was walking on a narrow pier, keeping to my side, I was
approached by this woman walking on my side rather than staying on hers.
I deliberately continued to walk straight toward her. We would have
collided if I had not, once again, stepped aside.
Should I call out this rude behavior?
GENTLE READER: Yelling “gangway!” as you plow into the offending
individuals might seem like a good idea, but it would put you on the
wrong side of both etiquette and the rules of right-of-way.
One rudeness does not justify another. And being off-course does not
relieve you of the duty to avoid a collision.
Miss Manners admits you might be in technical compliance were you to
force them to change course by stopping in place. But this will be cold
comfort if it results in your being run down. Better to step aside with
a startling “Excuse me!” that will cause them to look up as they go by.
_______________________________________
Actually, there's a more dignified way to handle it - if there's a wall
on the other side of the sidewalk. Simply walk firmly on that side, and
shout only if necessary. That way, even the rudest person cannot push
you aside. (No one should have to risk life and limb by stepping into
the street! Or onto a very muddy lawn, for that matter.)
But standing still works just as well, in my experience. I'VE never been
run down, even while staying silent. Even teens staring at their phones
tend to notice when someone isn't moving out of their way.
there's usually a paywall. So I'm posting this, from the Mercury News,
instead.
https://www.mercurynews.com/2025/03/07/miss-manners-tipping-the-barista/
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I bought a drink at a coffee shop that came to $4.22
with tax. I was presented with three tip options: $1, $2 or $3 — 25%,
50% or 75%, respectively.
Since there weren’t any seats left in the shop, and therefore I was
taking my coffee to go (thus reducing the need to clean off a table or
otherwise deal with my presence in the store), I tipped $1 (25%).
The barista glared at me as though I’d insulted her, and looked like
she’d been slapped in the face.
What am I missing? I realize coffee shop workers aren’t rich, but my job
doesn’t pay extravagant wages, either. I tip more when I consume my
drink in the shop, or when I pose some kind of inconvenience to the
staff.
GENTLE READER: When it comes to tipping, which is supposed to be a
compliment, it is almost impossible not to insult someone somehow.
Miss Manners once found herself giving offense by tipping a hotel worker
for storing her luggage. It seems that he was a manager, and thus above
accepting tips — a stance she admires but rarely encounters.
The tip Miss Manners will give you is to tip in cash. Doing it
electronically, and in full view of the other party, is designed to
shame the customer into being more generous than intended. Better not to
fall for it.
____________________________________________________
Check this one out, too:
https://www.mercurynews.com/2025/03/13/miss-manners-wander-into-our-house/
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When walking or biking on a sidewalk or a trail, I
often encounter three individuals walking or riding abreast.
Instead of their moving to single file to let me pass, I’m forced to
move aside to the grass or curb.
When I was walking on a narrow pier, keeping to my side, I was
approached by this woman walking on my side rather than staying on hers.
I deliberately continued to walk straight toward her. We would have
collided if I had not, once again, stepped aside.
Should I call out this rude behavior?
GENTLE READER: Yelling “gangway!” as you plow into the offending
individuals might seem like a good idea, but it would put you on the
wrong side of both etiquette and the rules of right-of-way.
One rudeness does not justify another. And being off-course does not
relieve you of the duty to avoid a collision.
Miss Manners admits you might be in technical compliance were you to
force them to change course by stopping in place. But this will be cold
comfort if it results in your being run down. Better to step aside with
a startling “Excuse me!” that will cause them to look up as they go by.
_______________________________________
Actually, there's a more dignified way to handle it - if there's a wall
on the other side of the sidewalk. Simply walk firmly on that side, and
shout only if necessary. That way, even the rudest person cannot push
you aside. (No one should have to risk life and limb by stepping into
the street! Or onto a very muddy lawn, for that matter.)
But standing still works just as well, in my experience. I'VE never been
run down, even while staying silent. Even teens staring at their phones
tend to notice when someone isn't moving out of their way.